21 January 2015
"I am such a failure."
"I am not good enough for this."
I don't know about you, but words like these have almost become a second nature to me to say to myself, without thinking about them.
I put a stop to this self-poisoning habit, as it makes me feel like crap. I don't deserve to feel like crap. Neither do you. This poison has been with us long enough. I have learned to say this to myself from the bullies when I was a child. I don't need to repeat it. Neither do you.
When you feel the words ready to blurb out, say something else, like
"I am worthy of ...."
"I am grateful for ..."
"I am happy that...."
There's also another fun thing to follow after I am, the one career you have always dreamed of having, the secret, hidden thing you do when you feel free to be yourself.
For me, saying "I am a writer" usually came followed with a sinking feeling in my stomach, and the bubbling up of words like, "I am a fraud when I say that."
I am a writer. I only need to look at the sidebar of my blog to see the two books I have published on Amazon to prove it.
I am a poet. I have stacks and stacks of poetry and a mini chapbook to show that I am.
Poisoning myself with lies only makes me feel like crap. And as we have established earlier, we don't deserve to feel like crap. We deserve to feel happy and elated, like the feeling of I am a writer gives me. Giddy and smiley and so intensely grateful. Isn't that the most awesome feeling to have?